Topic: Ruling on Breaking an Engagement Because the Man (Fiancé) is not Physically Attractive

I am a young Muslim woman living in Quebec.
Recently, my family—especially my uncle and my mother—introduced me to a man for an arranged marriage.
From the very first meeting, I did not feel any physical attraction toward him, and I told my mother.
However, she dismissed my feelings and kept insisting that he is a good Muslim and a responsible man.
My cousin also pressured me to accept.
Eventually, under strong family pressure, I agreed so that I could “get to know him.”
Later, I was told that I could not get to know him unless we were formally engaged, so I ended up being engaged without being truly convinced, only to satisfy my family. Now he wants to get married as early as December, yet my heart has never been at peace about this marriage.
I performed Istikhara and prayed during Tahajjud, but I did not feel any tranquility or clarity.
Instead, I feel stress, fear, emotional disconnection, no attraction at all, and I cannot imagine a future with him.
My family repeatedly tells me that if I refuse this man, Allah will punish me and that I will be “ungrateful” for rejecting a good man.
They also say that I will never find someone better and that I will regret this for the rest of my life.
This has caused me a lot of guilt and emotional pressure.
My mother even said that if I break off the engagement, she will move out with my siblings and not live with me anymore, which has made me very sad and confused. I also want to mention that the dowry (mahr) was decided without my involvement.
My father’s wife chose the amount, and from the total mahr, I only received a small portion, even though the mahr belongs entirely to the bride in Islam.
Right now, I want to remain respectful toward my mother, but I cannot find any inner peace or conviction about this marriage.
I want to follow the proper Islamic path, avoid a forced or unhappy marriage, and understand what Allah actually wants for me.
My questions are:
Islamically, do I have the right to end this engagement?
How should I handle this situation with my mother in a respectful way?
Is the way the mahr was handled valid?
And what should I do to follow the path that is most pleasing to Allah?
And if the lack of physical attraction is a valid reason to put an end to this engagement.
BarakaAllah ou fik!

It should be clearly understood that an engagement is not ‘Nikkah’; rather, it is a promise to marry in the future. The teachings of the Qur’an and Sunnah regarding promises emphasize that they should be fulfilled, and breaking them should be avoided as much as possible. Therefore, fulfilling a promise is ‘wajib’ (obligatory), and breaking it without a valid reason is considered a sin. However, if there is a valid religious or personal reason, breaking the promise would be permissible.
In the situation mentioned in the question, if ‘Nikkah’ did not take place at the time of engagement and it was only a promise of future marriage, then you are not bound in marriage and are free. However, since you did make a promise to marry this person, you are required to honor that promise as much as possible.
Additionally, a man’s lack of physical attractiveness is not considered a reasonable excuse to break the promise and end the engagement, especially when family elders are testifying to his good character. Therefore, breaking the engagement on this basis alone is not appropriate.
As for the matter of the mahr (dower), the decision made by your elders is incorrect. You have the full right to receive the complete mahr. The husband is not absolved of this responsibility simply because someone else forsakes it on your behalf. Unless you yourself forsake it, he will continue to owe you the full amount decided for mahr.
However, if you genuinely feel that living with this man will not be possible and that the marriage may ruin the future lives of both parties, then you should openly express your concerns to your mother, maternal uncle, and other family elders. With their guidance and support, it will be easier for you to reach a final and appropriate decision.

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دلائل:
القرآن الکریم: (بنی اسرائیل، الآیۃ: 34)
وَ اَوْفُوْا بِالْعَہْدِ ۚ اِنَّ الْعَہْدَ کَانَ مَسْئُوْلًاo

القرآن الکریم: (سورۃ النساء: رقم الآیۃ: 4)
وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً O

تفسير القرطبي: (البقرة، الآیة: 27، 172/1، ط: دار الکتب العلمیة)
السابعة: في هذه الآية دليل على أن الوفاء بالعهد والتزامه وكل عهد جائز ألزمه المرء نفسه فلا يحل له نقضه سواء أكان بين مسلم أم غيره، لذم الله تعالى من نقض عهده. وقد قال:" أوفوا بالعقود" [المائدة: ١]

رد المحتار: (11/3، ط: دار الفكر)
قال في شرح الطحاوي: لو قال هل أعطيتنيها فقال أعطيت إن كان المجلس للوعد فوعد، وإن كان للعقد فنكاح.

Allah the Almighty knows best.
Darul ifta Al-Ikhlas, Karachi.