Topic:
Can a Wife Demand Her Husband to Visit Her Parents’ Home and Is it Permissible for a Woman to Seek Divorce from an Ill-Mannered Husband?
(No-34598)
I have been married to my husband for four years, and we have two wonderful children. I gave birth two months ago and also underwent emergency surgery for an umbilical hernia, which requires strict rest.
Overall, my husband and I generally get along well. However, whenever he feels upset or frustrated—even when it is not directly related to me—his behavior toward me changes. Situations at work, things he sees, or issues involving my family often have negative repercussions on our relationship.
When this happens, three recurring behaviors appear. First, he becomes disrespectful in his tone and words, although he never insults me. Second, he stops communicating with me for several days and later resumes contact without apologizing, acting as if nothing happened. Third, he withdraws all signs of affection, with no tenderness, attention, or emotional support, which has gradually become normal.
One of the main sources of conflict is my family, especially my brothers. Although he often says his problem is not with my parents, he avoids visiting them because my siblings are frequently present. We had previously agreed on a compromise where he would visit my parents once or twice a month for a short time.
Recently, after a day spent at my parents’ home, he mocked my mother, reacted badly when I expressed my discomfort, and later implied that he would eventually stop visiting my parents altogether. When I tried to explain that I found this unfair, he left me alone to manage the bags and the children, despite my medical condition.
This ongoing pattern leaves me increasingly hurt and emotionally exhausted, and I am now questioning what attitude I should adopt, as over time this situation affects me more and more deeply. I'm starting thinking about divorce...
It should be understood that it is not Islamically correct for a woman to demand divorce from her husband without a valid reason. In this regard, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:
“The fragrance of Jannah becomes forbidden for any woman who asks her husband for divorce without a legitimate reason.”
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Hadith no. 2226)
However, there are certain valid Islamic reasons due to which a woman is permitted to seek divorce. These include:
1. There is severe incompatibility between the spouses, and living together harmoniously is no longer possible.
2. Continuing the marriage makes it difficult to practice or uphold Islamic obligations.
3. The husband abuses and oppresses the wife, for example, through physical violence.
Based on these reasons, it is permissible for a woman to seek divorce. However, she should not demand divorce due to temporary anger or minor disagreements.
Furthermore, in the situation mentioned, if the husband has left his wife and children at her parents’ home and is not fulfilling their Islamic rights, then his behavior is not Islamically correct. It is obligatory upon him to keep his wife and children with him and to fulfill their due rights.
As for the wife’s demand that her husband visit her parents’ home and spend some time there, Islamically the husband is not obligated to comply with this request. Nevertheless, from an ethical and social perspective, it is better for the husband to maintain good relations with his wife’s parents, visit them occasionally, and make an effort to create a pleasant relationship with them. This helps build respect, love, and trust in the wife’s heart and strengthens the marital relationship through kindness and mutual affection.
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دلائل:
القرآن الکریم: (البقرۃ، الایة: 228)
وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ... الخ
و قوله تعالی: (البقرۃ، الایة: 229)
فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلَّا يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا فِيمَا افْتَدَتْ بِهِ ۗ تِلْكَ حُدُودُ اللَّهِ فَلَا تَعْتَدُوهَا ۚ وَمَن يَتَعَدَّ حُدُودَ اللَّهِ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ o
سنن ابی داؤد: (رقم الحدیث: 2226، 268/2، ط: المكتبة العصرية)
حدثنا سليمان بن حرب ،ثنا حماد ، عن أيوب ، عن أبى قلابة ، عن أبى أسماء ، عن ثوبان قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم : " أيما امرأة سألت زوجها طلاقاً في غير ما بأس فحرام عليها رائحة الجنة".
الفتاوی الهندية:(488/1، ط: دار الفكر)
إذا تشاق الزوجان وخافا أن لا يقيما حدود الله فلا بأس بأن تفتدي نفسها منه بمال يخلعها به فإذا فعلا ذلك وقعت تطليقة بائنة ولزمها المال كذا في الهداية.
رد المحتار: (کتاب الطلاق، باب النفقات، 572/3، ط: سعید)
وشرعا: (هي الطعام والكسوة والسكنى) وعرفا هي: الطعام (ونفقة الغير تجب على الغير بأسباب ثلاثة: زوجية، وقرابة، وملك) بدأ بالأول لمناسبة ما مر أو؛ لأنها أصل الولد (فتجب للزوجة) بنكاح صحيح، فلو بان فساده أو بطلانه رجع بما أخذته من النفقة بحر (على زوجها) ؛ لأنها جزاء الاحتباس.
نجم الفتاویٰ: (کتاب الطلاق، 41/6، ط: دارالعلوم یاسین القرآن)
Allah the Almighty knows best.
Darul ifta Al-Ikhlas, Karachi.